January 19, 2009
I talked to our agency today. The coordinator in Perm met with the M.O.E on Monday. They had referals to give. Lana(the Perm coordinator) is going Tuesday morning to get the referals.They will have to be translated in Moscow.The referal is usually a picture of the child and medicals. Perm is 11 hours ahead of us so she is probably on the way to get the referals at this moment!!!!Of course nothing is ever easy so we do not know if there is a little girl referal. People say you dont want to get the wrong child but my anxiousness is not even about that. I want to get our little girl but at the same time I am beginning to wonder if God really cares that i just feel confused. I have been so optomisitic most of this year(tomorrow is one year Exactly since we started this crazy journey) but I am feeling kind of cynical now. I guess the whole time I have been looking for a sign that God was in the middle of all of this and have gotten alot of disappointment so I give up trying to figure out what is going to happen next. Maybe God is trying to grow my faith?I have always been the glass is half full and now I am so tired. Scott feels good about this being it. I think if it is not I am going to Scream!!!! I hope I will have good news to post tomorrow!

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